This is a very unexpected and disappointing review I received on Vrbo in 2022 from Jérémie Robin, his comments in French, translated to English and my response in English. They say the customer is always right and Vrbo will not remove his review, so here I explain why Jérémie Robin's review contains lies, misunderstandings, and even innuendo and sarcasm. I'm sorry to have to post it, but really, I'm happy to accept constructive criticism but I don't have to put up with this type of rubbish. I acknowledge below where some of his comments have any truth.
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Lave-vaisselle rouillé, couteaux rouillés, poils et chevaux dans les lits, toiles d’araignées, poussières et odeur de renfermé vous voilà dans l’ambiance !
> Rusty dishwasher, rusty knives, hairs and horses in the beds, cobwebs, dust and musty smell you are in the mood!
>>> As stated in my response on Vrbo, you are the first to complain, and the dishwasher has since been replaced. It could have been replaced within 48 hours of your arrival, had you requested it. You did not request it. The knives are not rusty: that is an obvious lie, as stainless steel does not rust. If any had a rust spot from the dishwasher, it could easily be cleaned with a steel scourer, which I provide. There are no hairs (or even horses) in the beds, except from your own dog perhaps. I made up the beds myself, so I know. There were few if any spider webs because I specifically removed them all 24 hours prior to your visit. Perhaps spiders work overnight. The musty smell is faint and fully characteristic of an 80-year-old Portuguese large country house, not of an antiseptic shoebox in Paris. Nobody else has complained of a smell.
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La literie est de mauvaise qualité, vous sentez les ressorts et les entendez dans le matelas à chaque mouvement, les lits semblent très fragiles.
> The bedding is of poor quality, you feel the springs and hear them in the mattress with every movement, the beds seem very flimsy.
>>> The beds are perfectly adequate if treated with just a little due care. You are the first to complain about the mattress, other than one person who found the beds too soft two years ago. There is a spare mattress in the annexe that I could easily have provided instead, had you asked. You did not ask. Furthermore the bedding is of perfectly acceptable quality for such a holiday rental, and I maintain a stock of spares should anything become damaged or worn. You did not ask.
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La piscine ne possède pas de filtration digne de ce nom, mais heureusement le propriétaire a placé une caméra pour vous filmer dedans (Poucr notre sécurité bien sûr !)
> The swimming pool does not have any filtration worthy of the name, but fortunately the owner has placed a camera to film you inside (For our safety of course!)
>>> With respect, you clearly know nothing about the pool systems, and you did not ask about them. The perfectly satisfactory filtration system that you saw and completely misunderstood is a temporary summer one, to eliminate the additional work of guests having to look after the biological system that is in use at other times of the year, via the large (and very obvious) bulrush reed bed. It is entirely adequate and is explicitly rated to keep the whole volume of water 100% clear, which indeed it was during the entirety of your visit. I told you personally that in the summer it can be windy in the afternoons in Portugal (westerly sea breezes, typically) and that you should expect a few leaves to blow into the pool at times, but when we arrived to clean them out, you stated clearly that you did not want the pool cleaned at that time. You have no right to complain if you requested us not to perform cleaning of the pool. And your unpleasant and sarcastic comment about the camera is frankly beneath a normal sensible person. The camera in the tower (a) is entirely legal as it does not record anything (as you were told), (b) it is of such a low resolution that I use it only once in a while for monitoring the colours of the garden for irrigation purposes, and (c) as you were previously informed you could have had it switched off for your entire visit. You did not ask for that.
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Une jolie table d’extérieur, mais sans éclairage direct donc compliqué pour le soir.
> A pretty outdoor table, but without direct lighting so complicated for the evening.
>>> Thank you for the positive comment about the table. I made it myself. As I am sure you noticed, there are a number of moveable lights in the house and annexe, and I could very easily have lent you an extension cable from the annexe, or even wired up a more permanent solution exactly to your requirements. I will consider something like that for future guests, but nobody else has requested anything. Neither did you ask for anything.
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Un portail coulissant impossible à manipuler sans forcer comme un fou pour l’ouvrir ou le fermer, qui réveille le cartier et les nombreux chiens des voisins !
> A sliding gate impossible to manipulate without forcing like crazy to open or close it, which wakes up the neighborhood and the many dogs of the neighbors!
>>> The gate required nothing more than a little lubrication. You did not report that it was stiff, nobody else reported a problem, and therefore I did not know about it. But even when it is stiff, it is really not at all difficult to move, as it is on wheels. I have never heard the local dogs react to it either. Lubrication, simple.
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De nombreux chien errant le soir se retrouvent sur la propriété car le terrain n’est pas clos.
> Many stray dogs in the evening end up on the property because the land is not closed.
>>> As you were clearly told in advance, only the lower half of the land is enclosed, but it is possible that a clever dog can find a way in, e.g. along the edge of the pool. Given that you had brought your own dog, interest from village dogs was more likely, as any dog owner should know. I do not control the village dogs. This is Portugal. There are some dogs.
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Le cout de la location ne reflète pas la qualité des prestations, bien trop cher au regard de l’état de la maison.
> The cost of the rental does not reflect the quality of the services, far too expensive in view of the state of the house.
>>> That is your opinion, and as I stated in my response, I thoroughly disagree, as do other reviews. However, you did prompt me to review my prices, which I have not done for two years at least. As a result, I have raised my prices by around 10% - 15%. Thank you for the reminder.
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Pour le reste la région est magnifique, nous reviendrons dans cette région mais dans une autre location.
> For the rest the region is magnificent, we will return to this region but in another location.
>>> I wish you luck finding such a nice house for the money you are prepared to spend, in this region or any other, but I fully expect you to be disappointed.
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>>> Finally, your booking was very strange. You booked for a full two weeks without asking a single question about the house, and when I responded to your booking, you even then failed to respond. If you had any questions prior to booking, I would gladly have answered them. I am also quite curious as to why you wrote this review at 02:00 in the morning, a full two months after your stay. It may be that you had rather more of your nice French wine than advisable that evening, or just a bad time. But you should already know that if you don't complain about something that you don't like at the right time, you really have no right to bottle it all up and then complain later, when nothing can be done about it. Especially publicly. That is, actually, quite despicable behaviour, and reflects badly upon you and your fellow countrymen, all others of whom I have found to be far more friendly, communicative, and reasonable, including the other members of your own party. If I had the chance now, I would reduce my Vrbo rating for your communication skills, and I now think one star is more than adequate. Please do not attempt to re-book, as you will not be welcome here. Your review contains lies, misunderstandings, and even innuendo and sarcasm. Why? It has not been useful to me, or subsequent visitors, and I found it thoroughly surprising and very disappointing.
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Meanwhile, please can I assure anyone reading this that I will go out of my way to ensure that any problems are dealt with during the visit of any group staying in my house, provided that I am actually notified of the problem. I am not a mind-reader or clairvoyant, but if I know what is wrong I and my team will do our utmost to find the best solution in good time. Usually there are no problems, but whenever there have been any, other reviews elsewhere make the point that I always react speedily and effectively. As I stated above, I'm sorry to have to post this, and I'm happy to accept constructive criticism, but I don't have to put up with this type of rubbish. If anyone wishes to reassure themselves on any point whatsoever, please do contact me at any time.
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Andy Sanderson